Sometimes i feel as though if everything in my life was completely reversed i'd still feel exactly as i do right now. In some sort of inner balancing for the extreme opposite wings of existance, my emotions would even out to the same degree of intensity for each parallel i encounter. So, even if i were in a state of severe depression wishing to change every single aspect of my life would simply be moving to a different plane of existance only to encounter the same emotion for opposite circumstances. On the flip side, if i was in a state of extreme joy this argument is clearly not well thought out and being sent from my nokia brick so i shall leave it at that and perhaps when i find myself at a computer i will rethink my claims because i am already finding a wealth of holes in the short stand I've made thus far. Goodnight.

um so i don't even know anything. i just want to type things because i am feeling really restless and i've been playing the recorder all night and randomly deciding to get up and prance around my apartment making all these sounds that aren't at all pleasant to anyone but me. i like that if you keep your cheeks in you can make higher sounds, i learned that when i played flute in 9th grade or something. then my brother broke it and now i can't play but i might snag a cheap one off ebay or something so i can again. i'll learn to play and join a metal band and make them include flute just to be fun and kind of ironic. i don't even mind that it'll be really shitty. today feels weird. i really want the sun to turn on and make the cold a little more warm so that outside won't be miserable and i'd ride bikes to the swing set and be a bird for a minute. hmmm i think that if i were to die all my energy would go into a flock of migrating birdies right now. i don't feel at all grounded enough to become a tree. and the sound that my energy would make before it transcended into mass would be the sound that is not made by two things striking each other. it would be "aum". open sound uninterrupted. i picture it in a gray color but not dreary, soft like a baby blanket with smokey white tendrils and probably some blue too. do you think that sounds or the lack of sound can have a color too? somebody else is logged into my pandora but i don't remember my password anyways so i'm just listening to their music and i'm okay with that. i like that all these letters are baby sized but i have to check my tips to keep from accidentally hitting the shift key and sometimes i do anyways but i just backspace. lla eht dlrow si a tnaig allitrot and yademos noos a gib etib si annog eb nekat tuo fo ti ot eb chewed up and swallowed and recycled to begin again with something new and that is okay with me too. i hate being fancy. i want to run around in the dirt with no shoes and sit in grassy yards and just not talk for a minute and then maybe do but only if there are things to say and voices aren't just being used for no good reason. i think those are the best days. thinking days. i want to only wear my moccasins and the same sandals and not care if they smell like shit from the rain. i want to not impress anyone. man, maybe i'll just evaporate.